He Knows

It's crazy to me that even in those times when you feel like you're running around all day, only to try and settle down then get up and run around some more (ya know those days where you feel like you keep running into yourself coming and going) that Jesus is still teaching. And sometimes, those moments are when I think I learn the most.

In the past week, I've done everything from finishing up time working at the YMCA to writing a paper to going to Winter Jam to packing to having a job interview for this summer to moving back to Franklin. There were lunch plans, late nights, and to-do lists like no other. There were emotions all over the place, from mountain-top highs to way-down-in-the-valley lows. I felt like I was constantly on the go, so I was drained, in every sense of the word-physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I felt so alone in those moments, even though I talked to a couple different people about it all. But it wasn't until I was at Winter Jam this past Thursday night with my family and youth group back home that it clicked and I finally got what Jesus had been trying to tell me. And to think I almost missed it because I had thought about not going since my to-do list was growing by the minute! But Jesus knew I needed to be there, and I'm so glad I was.

Jeremy Camp was in the middle of his set, taking some time away from singing to simply talk. He talked about some struggles he had gone through, but that he realized something one day while talking to God. He told God there was more left in him, he could keep going and write another song in the midst of all the crazy, the trials, the mess. He opened up his Bible and started reading and came across Hebrews 4:15. The Message version reads like this:

We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality.

He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all-all but the sin.

Jesus knows. 

He gets it! He knows what it feels like to run into yourself coming and going or to be completely drained in every sense of the word.

Y'all. That's crazy, but that's also crazy unbelievable. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone else to feel what I feel, but Jesus does. He felt it and went through it all BEFORE I even got to it. 

Isaiah 53:4a describes this suffering servant (Jesus): 

But he took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us.

You see. God knows exactly what pain you're going to bear, what stresses you out, what trials or crazy chaos you're going to go through or have gone through. He's already felt it. HE KNOWS.

In the midst of my crazy week this past week, God was right there the whole time. He was there when I was leaving my last day of work at the YMCA and saying goodbye to my kiddos. He was there when I was waking up early or staying up late working on a paper. He was there when I was up until 3 AM packing to move back to Franklin. Some of those things were harder than others, and some of them drained me more emotionally more than others, but it is so reassuring to know that God has been through all of that and is with us through it all.

No matter what you're going through, know that God is right there. Even when you talk to others about it and still feel like no one quite gets it, He gets it. He's been right there the whole time, even when you don't feel Him. Sometimes it takes driving an hour away to a concert with thousands of people and one singer standing on stage saying, "I get it. I was there and I knew Jesus was there with me, too."

While He's always there, He also knows what's best for you. And sometimes, after a crazy week and being right smack in the middle of a transition, He knows you need rest. We need sabbath; we need rest. We know our rest comes from Him and Him alone. Sometimes He can even use other people to help us realize that and help us to find that rest. 

Sabbath doesn't have to just be on Sunday or whatever day you may view as the Sabbath day; you can make a whole weekend out of it-like this weekend! Being back in Franklin means reconnecting with some friends before getting started at the office on Monday. And when you have the chance to visit with the people you're living with for the semester for half a day Friday then spend the rest of the weekend with another friend, and you literally don't leave the couch except to get food and have quality catchup time and Jesus talks, it's time for rest. 

Thanks Jesus for a weekend of rest, for a time of Sabbath in the midst of crazy and transition (and for being back in Franklin to intern with the RBP again!). Praying that all of you will find Sabbath in your own lives and maybe even help someone else realize they need that rest or be with them during that rest.

Kairos: Defining Moments

Kairos.

It's an ancient Greek word that I was first introduced to at a camp a few years back when the theme of the camp itself was Kairos: Defining Moments. That whole week was spent learning about kairos, or a defining moment, from the Bible and from our own lives that were tied to our relationship with the Lord.

That summer itself was a kairos in my life, a time when I realized I hadn't fully given my heart or my life to the Lord years earlier, but I needed to in that moment, at that camp in eastern KY the summer of 2010. It was a defining moment like no other.

The beautiful thing about a kairos is that it can happen any day of our lives, even if we don't realize it at the moment. Sometimes, it can even become not just one singular moment in time, but an entire season in our lives. Within the past year, perhaps the biggest kairos was my fall internship with the Red Bus Project in 2014.

Several people have asked me since coming home almost two months ago, "So how was your time in TN?" or "What's one thing you took away from your internship?" I LOVE when people ask me those questions, but man, sometimes I get frustrated because I don't know how to answer. Trying to explain to someone in ten seconds or less how life-changing that season was or how big of a kairos it was in my life is like asking my little brother to explain what he's learning in math class right now (trust me, if you haven't looked at fifth grade math recently, it's a doozy). It can be done, but it's so much easier to show rather than tell. Nowadays, I usually end up showing people pictures from the internship when they ask me about it or I pick out a story from the internship to tell.

You can never fully capture the beauty of a kairos unless you're experiencing it. It's still hard for me somedays to completely wrap my head around everything that happened from August-November last year-and I even get a second chance to wrap my head around it here in a couple of weeks when I move back to Franklin to do it all again!

Kairos is something we all have in our lives and it's beautiful to think that God had all of them planned from the beginning of time. Just like how He prepared me for both the fall and spring internships, He's prepared you for the kairos in your life.

It wasn't until tonight that I really realized this. In the midst of several days of ridiculous levels of anxiety and crying just thinking about this new internship and being together (thanks Skype!) with all my interns/part of my RBP fam for the first since November tonight, God showed me that yes, this new internship is a big deal and yes, it will be another defining moment, and even though I have moments of extreme anxiety thinking about it, it's okay-God's got this all under control! Sometimes, I wish I could audibly hear God give me a pep talk, but thank goodness He uses people in our lives to give that to us when we need it.

(Side note: Anxiety has kinda gotten a good hold on me the past couple of days, but man, I am so PUMPED to be back in Franklin here in a couple of weeks! Seriously, I can't wait to meet the other interns, get back into the swing of things at the office, and hit the road. Most importantly, I can't wait to learn more kiddos' stories so I can speak up for them while having the chance to hear so many other stories from the people I'll meet along the way! RBP Spring 2015, I'm ready!)

So whatever kairos is heading your way, get ready! It's going to leave a mark! It may seem scary and thrilling all at once, but it's beautiful. And it will change your life. No matter how unprepared or prepared you feel, God's been getting you ready for this moment from the beginning of time. He's set it before you. It's our job to dive in head first, to take that leap of faith, and soak in every moment within that kairos we possibly can.

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." -Ephesians 2:10 ESV