All I Want Is _____

I don't even know where to begin.

This weekend was unlike anything else I have ever experienced. There were lots of laughs, tears, Kodak moments, hugs, high fives, and everything in between. It was a weekend that I wish didn't have to end.

After getting 5 hours of sleep Friday night, driving 2.5 hours to volunteer at an all day event, going to bed last night and waking up to go to church, going to church and lunch with a friend, driving an hour and a half back towards home to take an hour long tour of a historical site for a homework assignment, and then driving another hour and a half to get home, most people would finish the sentence "All I want is [_____]" with the word 'sleep'. As true as that may be, this weekend has shown me I would finish the sentence with:

All I want is [Jesus].

A couple of weeks ago, I honestly don't know if I would've finished that sentence the same way. Maybe I would have, but with a tag on the end.

All I want is Jesus [to give me some direction].
All I want is Jesus [to be near].
All I want is Jesus [to hold me].

You see, I've been in the midst of a season of wandering. So many times in the past six months, I have felt like I've been roaming around in the world's largest desert, looking for Jesus. That's not to say that I necessarily doubted Him because I always believed that He was close, but sometimes I wondered if mine and Jesus' definition of 'close' matched up.

So I roamed. And wandered. And meandered. And every other word you can think of that's synonymous with the word 'roam' - all the while wondering where in the world Jesus was and why I couldn't seem to find Him or feel His presence.

And today, as Benji was leading us in a new song during worship, the simple chorus got me. It all made sense. For the last six months, when I was roaming through this desert, I didn't want or desire Jesus. What I wanted and desired were answers to questions and life figured out in ways that I thought I could answer or figure out. I wanted and desired to figure those things out on my own or to ask someone around. I was in one of those 'it's my way or no way' kind of mentalities. All along, what I should've wanted was Jesus.

All I want is Jesus

All I want is Jesus

Nothing can compare

No one else will do

All I want is You

Five simple lines. That's 23 words sung in a matter of 20 seconds or so. But that's all it took.

I was broken (and very teary eyed every time we prayed - because no one wants to see this girl cry).

It's crazy to me that God uses such a simple melody or a chorus to speak to us sometimes. It's even crazier to me that after feeling so lost and broken for so long that all it took was those 20 seconds. In that moment, I felt the heaviness of that truth. All I should ever want is Jesus - and only Him. He really was right beside me the entire time these past six months. I just had to realize that all these answers to questions I wanted weren't what mattered. Jesus mattered. And nothing, not even the cutest little kiddos from halfway around the world or food from one of my favorite Mexican restaurants or time with my family could ever compare to Jesus and His love for me.

So whatever desert you're roaming through right, know that He is there. He's walking right beside you, ready for you to reach out to His already extended hand. He loves you. He is faithful and loyal, even in those moments when you feel the most alone, lost, and broken.

"The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, 'The Lord is mine, so I hope in him.'"
-Lamentations 3:22-24 (NCV)

All I want is Jesus

All I want is Jesus

Nothing can compare

No one else will do

All I want is You

For me, it took those five lines and spending a weekend surrounded by my family, several dozen cute little kiddos, my Show Hope family, a few Franklin friends, and my RCC family to realize that truth. For you, it could take something a whole lot simpler or a much more grandiose affair. The beautiful thing is that God can teach us the same thing through so many ways.

After a really hard season in my journey, I can honestly say All I want is JESUS. My prayer is that you, too, will come to that same realization and live it out every day. It may be tough some days or weeks or months, but God is so good to bring us back to that truth. And sometimes He even throws in extra hugs, laughs, or memories to help :)

Let's Recap [RBP Spring 15]

I've realized rather quickly that I go through phases with things. One minute I'm all about something and the next I'm over it. Obviously, blogging happens to be one of those things. So due to my lack of writing any this semester, let's do a quick recap. Since the end of January, I have:

-Cheered for the Patriots in the SuperBowl (because when your friend/host for the weekend is a Patriots fan, you become one too)
-Lived in middle TN for 15 weeks with a family I had only met in passing one time before I actually moved in (no worries, I work with their oldest daughter at Show Hope so it wasn't as random as it sounds)
-Met and became friends with 4 of the most inspiring people one could ever intern alongside of
-Ridden in the top of a double decker bus for 4 weeks
-Stepped foot on 14 different college campuses in those 4 weeks
-Attended an ETC simulcast and CAFO 2015 (in person!)
-Freaked out after seeing a couple of famous people in Franklin
-Stepped out of my comfort zone and made new friends in Franklin (not with the famous people, but man that would be cool)
-Accepted a job with a summer camp, later turned down that job offer, and become a site supervisor for the summer day camp I've worked at the two previous summers

Whew. Now I think we're all caught up.

My second internship with the Red Bus Project was one that I will never forget. While I was interning with the same organization and essentially doing the same thing as before, this time around was also so different. I love how creative God is because He can use the same thing to impact or affect us in completely different ways. During my first internship, I learned a lot about God and His different character qualities that I saw not only in myself, but in those around me, in creation, and in the everyday mundane things. This semester, I learned a lot about myself.

-I learned that I love the little details - and I'm actually okay with loving that I love the little details.
-I learned that I love being challenged - and I'm determined to do whatever it takes to accomplish said challenge.
-I learned that I love going deep in conversations with students I've never met.
-I learned that I love loading a Penske and writing on chalkboards.
-I learned that me yelling "Hey I like your Fuge shirt!" to a student across the green from me is surprising to some of my best friends because the me they knew in summer 2014 would have never done that.
-I learned that I love doing even the smallest of tasks, like laminating luggage tags or counting workbooks.
-I learned that I genuinely appreciate people who tell me they see something in me that I don't see.
-I learned that even when I feel the most alone, God is still there, even when I don't think He is.

Even though this season was a little bit harder than I would like to admit, I think one of the reasons is because I learned so much about myself. I'm the type of person who always looks out for other people, their needs, and their qualities while rarely taking the time to see myself, my needs, and my qualities. The funny thing is that God knows exactly what we need at exactly the right time, even if that means more of a look into who we are and who He is making us into.

I still don't have it all figured out and I never will, which scares the OCD/detail oriented/planner person in me. What I do know is that this season of RBP was just as sweet as the first and I'm excited to keep on learning more about myself and who God has made me to be as I continue transitioning out of that season and into my third summer at the YMCA.

Please pray for me as I continue this transition (I'm not a fan of transition whatsoever) from living in middle TN to being back home and as I prepare for summer camp, along with my fellow staff and our kiddos we'll get to know and love throughout these next 8 weeks.

Here's to hoping I won't have to recap much the next time I blog (aka hopefully I won't be as forgetful over the next few weeks)! Happy summer everyone!