This weekend was unlike anything else I have ever experienced. There were lots of laughs, tears, Kodak moments, hugs, high fives, and everything in between. It was a weekend that I wish didn't have to end.
After getting 5 hours of sleep Friday night, driving 2.5 hours to volunteer at an all day event, going to bed last night and waking up to go to church, going to church and lunch with a friend, driving an hour and a half back towards home to take an hour long tour of a historical site for a homework assignment, and then driving another hour and a half to get home, most people would finish the sentence "All I want is [_____]" with the word 'sleep'. As true as that may be, this weekend has shown me I would finish the sentence with:
All I want is [Jesus].
A couple of weeks ago, I honestly don't know if I would've finished that sentence the same way. Maybe I would have, but with a tag on the end.
All I want is Jesus [to give me some direction].
All I want is Jesus [to be near].
All I want is Jesus [to hold me].
You see, I've been in the midst of a season of wandering. So many times in the past six months, I have felt like I've been roaming around in the world's largest desert, looking for Jesus. That's not to say that I necessarily doubted Him because I always believed that He was close, but sometimes I wondered if mine and Jesus' definition of 'close' matched up.
So I roamed. And wandered. And meandered. And every other word you can think of that's synonymous with the word 'roam' - all the while wondering where in the world Jesus was and why I couldn't seem to find Him or feel His presence.
And today, as Benji was leading us in a new song during worship, the simple chorus got me. It all made sense. For the last six months, when I was roaming through this desert, I didn't want or desire Jesus. What I wanted and desired were answers to questions and life figured out in ways that I thought I could answer or figure out. I wanted and desired to figure those things out on my own or to ask someone around. I was in one of those 'it's my way or no way' kind of mentalities. All along, what I should've wanted was Jesus.
All I want is Jesus
All I want is Jesus
Nothing can compare
No one else will do
All I want is You
Five simple lines. That's 23 words sung in a matter of 20 seconds or so. But that's all it took.
I was broken (and very teary eyed every time we prayed - because no one wants to see this girl cry).
It's crazy to me that God uses such a simple melody or a chorus to speak to us sometimes. It's even crazier to me that after feeling so lost and broken for so long that all it took was those 20 seconds. In that moment, I felt the heaviness of that truth. All I should ever want is Jesus - and only Him. He really was right beside me the entire time these past six months. I just had to realize that all these answers to questions I wanted weren't what mattered. Jesus mattered. And nothing, not even the cutest little kiddos from halfway around the world or food from one of my favorite Mexican restaurants or time with my family could ever compare to Jesus and His love for me.
So whatever desert you're roaming through right, know that He is there. He's walking right beside you, ready for you to reach out to His already extended hand. He loves you. He is faithful and loyal, even in those moments when you feel the most alone, lost, and broken.
"The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, 'The Lord is mine, so I hope in him.'"
-Lamentations 3:22-24 (NCV)
-Lamentations 3:22-24 (NCV)
All I want is Jesus
All I want is Jesus
Nothing can compare
No one else will do
All I want is You
For me, it took those five lines and spending a weekend surrounded by my family, several dozen cute little kiddos, my Show Hope family, a few Franklin friends, and my RCC family to realize that truth. For you, it could take something a whole lot simpler or a much more grandiose affair. The beautiful thing is that God can teach us the same thing through so many ways.
After a really hard season in my journey, I can honestly say All I want is JESUS. My prayer is that you, too, will come to that same realization and live it out every day. It may be tough some days or weeks or months, but God is so good to bring us back to that truth. And sometimes He even throws in extra hugs, laughs, or memories to help :)
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